You see that bitch? Yeah that one with the armblade, dark blue clothes, and army of monsters?
That’s a xenobiologist, and they will kill you. They will kill your family. Unless you know how to kill them.
And I’m gonna teach you all how to kill them because I’m tired of people saying xenobio is OP (it’s still OP but now you can stop crying that there’s no counterplay)
Any environmental attack: Not going to work, and probably have way too much collataral to be viable. At any time a xenobiologist can and will probably be fireproof, pressureproof, have infinite internals, and have access to a vast array of rare virus cures, as well as just being able to embrace inorganic and ignore it.
Melee Weapons: Xenobiologists are faster than you and can oneshot gib in melee range. Don’t bother unless in a group, and if you must I recommend stunbaton or debtor melee. Ranged weapons are your friends.
Lethal Weapons: Xenobiologists are better at healing than you. They have so many options to cheat death it’s unreal, and even if you manage to crit one, their stabilised rainbow will probably activate and either second wind them back to full health or whisk them away to fuckknowswhere, and even IF you put them down, stabilised cerulean means they’re unlikely to stay dead. The only time I would suggest this is if they’re sentient mob or golem spamming, as capturing all of those tends to be unrealistic and golems almost universally have significant melee armor
Flashes/Flashbangs: For all their power, xenobiologists rarely go out of their way for these fundamentals, so if you have one as a target, just flash them, strip the bag and headset, and extinguish to death. Flashbangs can also help with circumventing golem hordes, but sentient mobs, while blinded, are I believe not stunned so do watch for that
Target the bag: Most of the power of a xenobiologist is in their bag. If you take it off, they become a mortal in a no slowdown hardsuit. Cuffing them doesn’t matter if they have the bag because they can just teleport away or stop time and run, even while cuffed. Take the bag off, then put them down.
Acid: Xenobiologists generally wear either adamantine armour (which comes with HEAVY slowdown) or an omniproofed labcoat and hat of their choice. Destroy the coat and hat and you remove their environmental resistance, meaning simple low pressure will get them eventually
Nonlethal ranged weapons: The DRAGnet, energy gun, and disabler even, can all stamcrit them or apply large slowdown with snares, during which they’re as helpless as anyone else. Move up, strip the bag, and apply cuffs, then execute, or simply teleport them to a DROPnet placed in a fusion fire/lava/over a chasm/you get the idea
Weapon one: The rainbow knife
The rainbow knife is a weapon that deals 15 randomised damage per swing. It can suffocate, irradiate, deal cellular, or just brute and burn
Counterplay: Steal a regenerative extract after the fight, and use it on yourself. 15 damage is a weak melee weapon, and it’s more like nine as 2/5 of attacks are suffocation, which heals itself, or irradiation, which you deal with later. Kill them quickly and use a non-bluespace regenerative to clear yourself of all the damage types after the fight. They should have at least one.
Weapon two: Burning yellow
It’s an AOE electrical stun that lasts long enough to cuff within a radius of five tiles and it’s a god damn warcrime but you can beat it with this one simple trick
Counterplay: Be insulated. I’m serious, get gloves, get nanites, eat a cookie, do whatever it takes. It can’t stun you if you don’t take shock damage, so don’t take shock damage. It also makes a distinct crack sound when used, so if someone tries to stealth-use it you know immediately what they just did and to beat them to death.
Weapon three: timestop
It’s the wizard spell, but not!
Counterplay: Be wary. No timestop that is instant doesn’t also affect the user. If they use crystaline cerulean then you’re probably dead as they most likely have a golem or friend, but you can at least scream. The others can be avoided just by watching out for them, as basic grenade awareness comes into play but for sepia extracts, and if you see a xenobiologist seem to hold still during combat, MOVE THEM OR BACK THE FUCK UP IT’S A TRAP
Weapon four: Gatfruit
It’s just a really strong gun
Counterplay: How do you fight a traitor with a gun? Yeah do that but again
DISCLAIMER: THIS GOT PATCHED OR SOMETHING IT DOESNT INSTAGIB ANYMORE
STILL WATCH OUT THOUGH BECAUSE THEY CAN JUST WARP YOU INTO A ROOM FULL OF ANGRY WHATEVER, OR INTO LAVA, OR A CLOUD OF FELINID MUTATION TOXIN
Weapon five: Regenerative Bluespace
Fuck fuck fuck this is the melee range instagib
Counterplay: Don’t get hit.
I know it sounds pretentious, but there’s not much else to be done here. If this thing hits you, you’re dead as dirt. THIS is the sole reason you don’t fight them in melee. Stay at range, avoid getting stunned or timestopped, and pray to the stars above and below they forgot their stabilised light pink today because this is just wizard disintigrate except they’ll never find your body.
Weapon six: The boneblade
Looks like a weapon, really isn’t
Counterplay: Don’t be scared of it, it hits like a limp noodle, and don’t false confirm lings because of it.
That should be most of the common tools of the xenobiologist trade covered and their secrets revealed. I do, however, have one final tip for you all. This is 100% guarenteed to destroy the hopes and dreams of any xenobiologist that dares cross you. It’s legit just