A Chef Guide OR How to not cook human meat please

The chef is a very versatile role, capable of cooking a wide variety of dishes to keep the crew well fed. You can also run a number of gimmicks, but every shift it’s just the same old “hmm today I will eat human meat” (CITATION NEEDED). As such, and by relatively popular request, I have decided to compile a guide of useful food items, both with and without botany. This guide will also be useful to botany, as it shows what plants are likely to be useful to chefs.

Part One: Everything is pro-seed-ing as I have forseen

Alright, let us for a moment assume that everything is perfect. Botany is at your beck and call, any plant you could ask for is whipped up within moments. You could cook ANYTHING. But what, pray tell, should you cook?

Chapter 1.1:- Species Preferences
Species have a wide variety of preferences for food. And by preferences I mean biological requirements. Some species will straight up die if you feed them the wrong things, so lets go through them all.

  • Humans: Will eat anything that came out of the microwave, and anything that came out of a vendor. As long as they don’t try and eat a steak fresh out of the cow, humans are not difficult to please.

  • Lizardpeople: Meat, and raw meat. Lizardpeople are actually something of a struggle to cook for, as even most of the “Meat” tab will prompt a reaction. There is always the easy way out of just slapping a pete steak on the counter and calling it a day, but assuming you want to try something more Sausages are one of your few viable options, and can be renamed to “sausage, seductively” for a bit of a lark.

  • Mothpeople and apids: Mothpeople like veggies and diary. Once again, the option of just putting an carrot on the counter remains, but if you wanted to be more intensive things like butter noodles and I guess butter on a stick are there if you want them. Apids don’t exactly like diary, but veggies should still be fine. For an apid themed diner honey buns and honey nut bars are particularly on flavor, so maybe take a look at those

  • Oozeling: Don’t feed them watermelons or soups, and all should be good under the hood there.

  • Everyone else: Typically doesn’t eat, but if you ever find yourself serving at a plasma drive through, they like veggies and hate fruit. I have no idea why this would ever happen to you, but just in case!

A note on deviant tastes: For people with the deviant tastes trait, all of the above is swapped, with the notable exception of the moth allergy to meat. Most people keep notes on if they have this trait, but if they seem unenthused with the selection on display even though their species would probably enjoy it, you now know why. And they’d have to be a deviant to not like your cooking.

Chapter 1.2:- Things that do things
A lot of foods have special effects. These are colloquially known as things that do things. A list of rare things that do things that won’t be noted elsewhere are below

  • Stuffed legion: Hard to get, but naturally contains tricordazine to heal miner wounds.

  • Powercrepe: Aside from being a hilarious pun considering recent attitudes of coders, this hits harder than the captain’s saber used to craft it, with the downside of requiring a bag of holding to conceal. Also, you can explain the blood away as spilled jam.

  • Clown’s tears: Less of a food item, and more of a drink ingredient, this can be ground to create quintuple sec, truly a delicacy for any self-respecting HoS. It does tend to lightly explode upon mixing, due to blending potassium filled bananas and a bowl of water.

  • Cak’s and butterbears: These each produce a simplemob that rapidly regenerates health and can be eaten with disarm intent. If the brain used in the construction had a soul, that soul will possess the cak, but if it did not, it will simply act like a normal cat.

  • Energy cake: Really only viable if you’re a traitor or ungodly lucky, the energy cake is less of a food item and more of a weapon, even moreso if you remicrowave it into the energy cakehat.

Chapter 1.3:- Tomatoes
Tomatoes are hilariously versatile, being a required ingredient in almost all pizzas, some soups, some pastas, and a smattering of other foods. Some of the highlights are as follows.

  • Eyeball soup: Makes you look like you’ve commited multiple homicides, but not technically eating human meat because the eyes belong to a monkey. Right?
  • Pizza. Pizza is amazing. It’s nutritious, can be split, and is generally just a wonderful time.
  • Copypasta: I used the shotgun. You know why? Cause the shot gun doesn’t miss, and unlike the shitty hybrid taser it stops a criminal in their tracks in two hits. Bang, bang, and they’re fucking done. I use four shots just to make damn sure. Because, once again, I’m not there to coddle a buncha criminal scum sucking f------, I’m there to 1) Survive the fucking round. 2) Guard the armory. So you can absolutely get fucked. If I get unbanned, which I won’t, you can guarantee I will continue to use the shotgun to apprehend criminals. Because it’s quick, clean and effective as fuck. Why in the seven hells would I fuck around with the disabler shots, which take half a clip just to bring someone down, or with the tazer bolts which are slow as balls, impossible to aim and do about next to jack shit, fuck all. The shotgun is the superior law enforcement weapon. Because it stops crime. And it stops crime by reducing the number of criminals roaming the fucking halls.

Alright time for

Part 2: Botany fucked off and now all I have is a bunch of mushrooms

Well, let’s set up a scene. You are John Chef. You have no idea how the game works, and have barely figured out your role. You join lowpop to discover botany full of mushrooms and nobody in sight. What do you do? Well first off you have some food in your kitchen,so time for

Chapter 2.1:- Home Cooking
Breakfast. Is. Amazing.
It gives you a mood buff (which equates to a movement speed buff) for the first ten minutes of the shift if you hit up the kitchen at roundstart (within 15 minutes of server bootup). Things that provide the breakfast buff include, but are not limited to

  • Waffles
  • Donuts
  • Pancakes
  • Anything from the Eggs tab of the menu.

Breakfast is glorious, but once that fifteen minute time window elapses there’s very little reason to prefer it, and it might be exclusionary if you cooked 15 omelettes and now the apids are starving.
So what else to cook? Well, most of the main stock foods can be cooked from your basic supply, but there’s very little interesting here. Instead, let’s move on to the weed section.

Chapter 2.2:- Fungus Among Us
When a hydroponics tray is left untended, a number of plants can spawn to overgrow from the weeds. These are, in order of usefulness to us

  • Plump Helmet
  • Chanterelle
  • Fly Amitana/Nettles/Reishi
  • Tower Caps/Starthistle

The bottom two provide no cookable product at all, the lower middle three are all directly harmful to the consumer and effectively serve as biogenerator fuel, and Plump Helmet juuuuust edges out Chanterelle due to the ability to be exceptional (just like you) and provide omnizine.
Highlights of fungal cooking include:

  • MUSHROOM PIZZA: Holy shit, a pizza that doesn’t need tomatoes to be created! It’s almost like it was made for this exact situation. What a godsend

  • Plump Pie/Plump Biscuits: Both require pastry ingreedients, but can be exceptional. I would hand the exceptional ones to a competent chemist, as strange reagent helps you both, but to each their own.

  • Amitana Jelly: This is here not as a commendation, but to note that this fucking kills you.

  • Mushroom Soup: All the required ingreedients are infinitely farmable without any botany knowledge OR biogenerator, meaning that with enough goats, randomly placed dirt patches and a sink you too can feed an entire nation during a power outage.

And thus concludes the exploration of desperation. If you get so desperate you need to start cooking and eating human meat after reading this guide, then food is probably the least of your worries and the shuttle is likely coming soon. Or you’re just doing a tot gimmick. Who am I to say.

Closing Remarks

Most rounds will have a balance. Botany will not be a ghost town, but the entire station will not be delivering you saber after saber for your artisanal pancake sword empire. From there, assessing your options, talking to, and being open with botany is probably the best way to have a fulfilling chef shift. Most all the plants in the game are cookable, and even if they’re not there’s always the deepfrier.

Credits:
Me, for the idea of harvesting ideas from people and rewarding them with knowledge
Me, for writing the guide
@RogueNPS for having this idea and judging me for my sin

bit wrong on the moths, they like dairy products (prominently, cheese) alongside veggies, not fruit

fruit is a flyperson thing

Alt Title:

How to Avoid Becoming Sweeney Todd

You forgot one thing: Plunder all the roundstart donut boxes and put it on your kitchen desk so people would be amazed at how you managed to cook 35 donuts 5 minutes into the round.

Looking forward for @Spacegoat additions to the guide *chitters

I’m surprised you didn’t mention nettle soup.

Fair, I don’t play too much chef anymore, but I’ll throw in an edit.

Break into security. Steal their donuts. Live in their walls.

I was fairly sure it contained some kind of acid.

1 Like

Also, if you have roundstart tomatoes or the botanist is quick, plunder every roundstart donk-pocket so you can make donk pizza, which saves the meat for other recipes.

KITCHEN THEMES

This is the true end-game for chefs and proof of your mastery!

Burger joints, Japanese restaurants, Tex-Mex stands, classic bakeries, chicken and biscuits shop, Americanized Chinese takeout, ice cream parlor, candy store, 24/7 breakfast joint…

The challenge is often compiling all the recipes to fit the theme and remembering which plants you need. So here are some easy references!


BURGER & FRIES FAST FOOD

Grown Ingredients
  • Potatoes
  • Onions
Pre-Prepared Ingredients
  • Cheese wedges: combine 5u universal enzyme with space milk or Pete the goat’s milk. Slice the resulting cheese wheel. The enzyme is not consumed in the reaction.
    [Reagent:Chemistry]

  • BBQ Sauce: 1:1:1:3 ratio of Ash:TomatoJuice:Pepper:SalineGlucose.
    [Reagent:Chemistry]

  • BBQ Ribs: 5 BBQ sauce, 2 steak, 2 iron rods.
    [Crafting:Meats]

  • Mayonnaise: add raw eggs to a blender with a beaker in it. Use the ‘Mix’ setting.

  • Cooked bacon: slice raw meat into cutlets. Add the cutlets to the food processor to create raw bacon. Cook the raw bacon in a microwave.
    [Kitchen:Food Processor]

Breakfast Menu:

  • McGuffin: 2 cooked bacon, 1 fried egg, 1 bun.
    [Crafting:Burgers]

  • Tator tots: add raw potato to processor. Use pen to rename it to “hashbrown”
    [Food Processor]

Classic Menu:

  • Burger: 1 steak, 1 bun.
    [Crafting:Burgers]

  • Cheeseburger: 1 steak, 1 bun, 1 cheese wedge.
    [Crafting:Burgers]

  • Bacon burger: 3 cooked bacon, 1 bun.
    [Crafting:Burgers]

  • Space fries: cut raw potato into wedges then processor it.
    [Food Processor]

  • Onion rings: cut raw onion and microwave the slices.
    [Food Processor]

Special Menu (as available):

  • Chicken sandwich: 1 cooked chicken meat, 1 bun, 5 mayonnaise (mix eggs in a blend for mayo).
    [Crafting:Burgers]

  • The McRib: 1 BBQ rib, 1 onion slice, 1 bun image
    [Crafting:Burgers]

How to make BBQ Sauce

1pt tomato juice, 1 pt ash, 1 pt black pepper, 3 pt saline-glucose solution

Where to get ingredients:
  • Tomato juice: bartender’s drink dispenser has this

  • Ash: burn sheet of paper or folder with lighter from bar. Scoop up the ash with drinking glass or beaker.

  • Black Pepper: found in kitchen and in the vendor your get your knife from

  • Saline-Glucose Solution: Combine sugar, salt, and water in equal parts. You can make it with kitchen ingredients. Or you can buy it in bottles of 30u from medbay or ask chemist for it for free.

Steps to make 100u:
  1. You will need two large beakers, a sheet of paper or a folder, and a lighter.

  2. Light the paper or folder on fire with the lighter. It will turn into an ash pile on the floor. Click your beaker on the ash pile to collect 30 ash. Take a swig once to remove 10u leaving you with 20u ash.

  3. Add 20u tomato juice to the beaker.

  4. Click a full peppermill (has 20u in it) so it says “Tranferring 20u”. Pour the whole thing in to the beaker.

  5. Split the 60u beaker contents in the other beaker so each has 30u.

  6. Add 30u saline-glucose to each beaker. This reduces their volume to 50u each.

  7. You now have BBQ sauce! You can combine them into one large beaker at this point if desired.


JAPANESE RESTAURANT

Grown Ingredients
  • Soybeans
  • Chanterelle mushroom
  • Cabbage
  • Carrot
  • Tomato
Pre-Prepared Ingredients:
  • Tofu: Add 10u soy milk into a container with 5 universal enzyme (enzyme is a catalyst that isn’t consumed in the reaction)
    [Reagent:Chemistry]

  • Soy dope: process one soy bean in the food processor. Used in stewed soymeat and milo soup.
    [Kitchen:Food Processor]

  • Soy Sauce: combine 10u sulfuric acid with 40u soy milk for every 50u needed. Ask chemist for sulfuric acid.
    [Reagent:Chemistry]

  • Boiled Egg: microwave raw eggs. If you need more raw eggs, ask botany to grow wheat and feed it to a chicken.
    [Kitchen:Microwave]

  • Boiled spaghetti: prepare bread dough (15u flour, 10 water), rolling pun the dough, and cut it into slices. Add the slices into the food processor for raw spaghetti. Microwave it for boiled spaghetti.
    [Kitchen:Food Processor]

Classic Menu:

  • Milo Soup: 10u Water, 1 bowl, 2 soy dope, 2 tofu.
    [Crafting:Soup]

  • Beef Noodle: 1 bowl, 1 boiled spaghetti, 2 cutlet, 1 cabbage
    [Crafting:Spaghettis]

  • Chawanmushi: 5 Water, 5 soysauce, 2 boiled egg, 1 chanterelle cluster
    [Crafting:Pastries]

  • Khinkali (dumpling): 1 raw dough slice, 1 garlic, 1 meatball. Microwave the raw khinkali. Use a pen to rename it to “soup dumpling”.
    [Crafting:Meats]

  • Stewed soymeat: Made with a tomato, 2 soy dopes (processed soybeans), and a carrot.
    [Crafting:Meat]

Special Menu (as available):

  • Sashimi: 1 spider eggs, 1 carp fillet, 5u soysauce. Small toxin damage. Felinids are immune.
    [Crafting:Meats]

TEX-MEX RESTAURANT

Grown Ingredients:
  • Corn (in excess for tortillas)
  • Soybeans
  • Cabbage
  • Chili peppers
Pre-Prepared Ingredients
  • Cheese wedges: combine 5u universal enzyme with space milk or Pete the goat’s milk. Slice the resulting cheese wheel. The enzyme is not consumed in the reaction.
    [Reagent:Chemistry]

  • Corn tortilla: made by adding raw corn to the food processor. Most of these recipes call for it and you’ll want a lot of it!

Classic Menu:

  • Enchiladas: 2 cutlet, 2 chili, 2 tortilla.
    [Crafting:Meats]

  • Burrito: 1 tortilla, 2 soybeans.
    [Crafting:Misc.Food]

  • Cheesy burrito: 1 tortilla, 2 cheese wedge, 1 soybeans.
    [Crafting:Misc.Food]

  • Cheesy burrito: 1 tortilla, 2 cheese wedge, 1 soybeans.
    [Crafting:Misc.Food]

  • Nachos: 1 Table Salt, 1 tortilla.
    [Crafting:Misc.Food]

  • Cheesy nachos: 1 Table Salt, 1 cheese wedge, 1 tortilla.
    [Crafting:Misc.Food]

  • Cuban nachos: 5 Ketchup, 2 chili, 1 tortilla.
    [Crafting:Misc.Food]

  • Plain Taco: 1 tortilla, 1 cheese wedge, 1 cutlet.
    [Crafting:Misc.Food]

  • Classic Taco: 1 tortilla, 1 cheese wedge, 1 cutlet, 1 cabbage.
    [Crafting:Misc.Food]

Special Menu (as available):

  • Fuego plasma burrito: 1 tortilla, 2 ghost chili, 1 soybeans.
    [Crafting:Misc.Food]

AMERICANIZED CHINESE TAKEOUT

Grown Ingredients
  • Cabbage
  • Carrot
  • Garlic
Pre-Prepared Ingredients
  • Boiled spaghetti
  • Raw dough slices
  • Meatballs
  • Cooked meat cutlets
  • Soysauce

Classic Menu:

  • Chowmein: 1 boiled spaghetti, 1 cutlet, 2 cabbage, 1 carrot.
    [Crafting:Spaghettis]

  • Beef Noodle: 1 bowl, 1 boiled spaghetti, 2 cutlet, 1 cabbage
    [Crafting:Spaghettis]

  • Khinkali (dumpling): 1 raw dough slice, 1 garlic, 1 meatball. Microwave the raw khinkali. Use a pen to rename it to “fried wantan.”
    [Crafting:Meats]

  • Eggwrap (eggroll): 10u soy sauce, 1 cabbage, and 1 fried egg. Fry it. Use a pen to rename it to “eggroll”.

Special Menu (as available):

  • Crab Rangoon: 1 dough slice, 5 Cream (ask bartender), 1 cheese wedge, 1 raw crab meat
    [Crafting:Misc.Food]

  • Wingfangchu: 1 bowl, 5 Soysauce, 2 xeno cutlet
    [Crafting:Soups]


FRIED CHICKEN RESTARAUNT

Grown Ingredients
  • Potatoes
  • Wheat (to feed chickens)
Pre-Prepared Ingredients
  • Mayonnaise: add raw eggs to a blender with a beaker in it. Use the ‘Mix’ setting.
    [Reagent:Chemistry]

  • Nugget box: use cardboard sheets in your hand, select “Fancy Boxes” and choose Nugget Box. Requires 1 cardboard sheet per box. It can fit six nuggets.
    [Material:Cardboard]

Classic Menu:

  • Chicken Nugget: 1 cooked meat cutlet. Six of these will fit into a nugget box.
    [Crafting:Meats]

  • Chicken Sandwich: 1 cooked chicken meat, 1 bun, 5 mayonnaise (mix eggs in a blend for mayo).
    [Crafting:Burgers]

  • Butter Biscuit: 1 bun and 1 stick of butter.
    [Crafting:Breads]

  • Potato Wedges: slice a raw potato.
    [Kitchen:Knife]

  • Waffles: 2 pastry bases.
    [Crafting:Pastries]

How To Get Chicken Meat

Use raw wheat on chickens repeatedly to cause them to lay eggs for you. At random the eggs can hatch into chicks and mature into chickens.


USEFUL MISC RECIPES

Paper bags (under ‘Crafting > Misc’) complete some themes. Each one needs 5 sheets of paper. These are your takeout bags. Use a pen on an empty paper bag to change their appearance!

Paper comes in round-start paper bins (30 sheets each) or crafted under ‘Crafting > Misc’ with water and a wooden plank. Each bag holds six items and fits in your backpack!

ENTIRE CRAFTING TAB CONTENTS

Breads

image

Burgers

Cakes

image

Egg-Based Food

image

Frozen

Meats

Misc. Food

Pastries

Pies

image

Pizzas

image

Salads

image

Sandwiches

image

Soups

Spaghettis

image

16 Likes

You did it, and it’s beautiful.

2 Likes

You forgot the classic of making a regular pizza and renaming it Arnold pizza.

1 Like

Your sin is forgiven.

You forgot the classic of taking an arnold pizza and renaming it meat pizza.
:deaf_man:

1 Like

It has Omnizine, too.

The Biogenerator can actually make cream quite easily, you don’t need to bug the barman.

1 Like

As a chef, I personally won’t serve even monkey meat unless explicitly asked to, and even then I’m hesitant.

3 Likes

No.

They are not the same thing. I am sry to inform you of this fact.

All seafood that is made with carp meat can be made with fish from cargo’s aquarium kits instead which aren’t toxic. You can also setup a fish farm to get meat with little maintenance.

Cheese.

15151515