IF YOU FOLLOW MY GUIDE, THIS COULD BE YOU!
Hewwo my name is Pham Chan and tewday we’w be tawking abowt how tew be a fawking degenewate piece awf shit!
So. Yew wawnt tew be a degenewate. Fiwst of awl yew need to we-wewrn how tew tawk.
(Gonna drop the act here)
All “R” and “L” sounds should be replaced with “W” when typing. Spell phonetically at times to help other people understand you. (Watew, Cweam, Cowwatewaw Damage)
Any sort of “OO” sound (Today, You, Cool) should be replaced with with an “EW”. For example: "Tewday, How awe YEW, etc)
Any sort of “ah” sound (somebody, talk, cop) should be replaced with “aw”. For example: “Tawking, somebawdy hewp me, it’s da cawps”
Talk and act like you’re a kindergartner. Take pleasure in the extremely simple-minded things in life, like cream or, colorful pictures, or tasty food. Additionally, talk like you are 9. Say “da” instead of “the”. “Dat” instead of “that”. In more complicated words, replace the “TH” sound with and “F” sound. For example: “Firty eight yeaw owld man, i eated da cweam, im vewwy hungwy, dat’s nawt vewwy nice”.
EXCEPTION TO THE “L” AND “R” SOUND AS A “W” RULE: Occasionally, there words with lots or "R"s and "L"s, or words that don’t make sense without an “R” or “L” sound. In these cases it’s fine to include an R or L, just put a W in front of it, and be sure to mangle the word in some other way.
Examples: “Watewr, Cawmputewr, captawlistic, you’wre”. This rule is mostly used if the reader couldn’t understand phoenetically what you’re trying to say.
Finally, in any case where there is and “le” at the end of a word, change that to an “ew”. For example: “Snuggews, nuzzews, etc”.
Additionally, be sure to add “ies” to various words or names to make them more childish, “cweamies, snackies, HoPpy Poo, owchies”.
Anyway those are the 7 tips to becoming a degenerate scumbag that can get freely metagrudged every round, hope your brain melted into itself as you read this.
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