A tale of bad luck

let me tell you. some comedic tales
tales of horrific luck and a cursed journey…
(this is not a salt tread im not mad i acually find my horrific luck amusing and hey… its funny tales
i just want to share)

  • after killing both my targets 20 minuts in as AI… some moth decides to explore about… finding the dead CMO and saving him
    as everyone got nanites i proceed to murderous to take him DOWN again turning off healing nanites so they dont heal my target
    target survives me blowing them 6 times after i asked post game i got…
    “unholy luck, nanites goes corrupt and creates the perfect auto-defib nanites” - lowwy

  • a heretic tries to find nodes for points… finds 1 in bar that they cant get…
    searches everywhere none. fine im going to kill my targets with no magic.
    after catching them a random shocked door stuns me target escapes and calls sec
    i get swarmed by sec and die. LITERALLY AS I DIE 2 nodes spawn in my home department

  • local heretic aquires a target to sacrafice. said target imidietly cryo’s rendering the heart useless
    after wasting time to get another i get another target… who promptly cryo’s in 30 seconds
    AFTER WASTING EVEN MORE TIME TO GET A 3RD HEART my 3rd target is in sec surrounded by 20 officers as the shuttle docks

  • friendly blood cultist engi wishes to convert some friends.
    with a total engi pop of 3+1Ce i sent 1 engi to do solars CE at the bridge in a wheelchair.
    just me and my target a perfect time to strike. just as i stun and cuff CE arrives…
    i stun him to and as i do that the lad doing solars arrives seemingly abandoning his job o_0
    safe to say i couldnt handle 3 people at once
    (and no AI did not see us and none of the first 2 targets screamed for help it was pure bad luck)

  • i wanted to try the blind quirk… game said we BB’s today. BB went SSD all shift so i was basically blind solo
    i almost greentexted anyway alas i was doing so well reality itsef said fuck no. atmos broke and killed literally everyone

  • indeed the trend of reality itself NUKING THE STATION if i proceed to beat all odds is not even a 1 off
    As i robust an HOS who’s about to perma me killing him. only for cap to come with red in his eyes.
    and die a misserable death
    and then everyone died to a rare bug creating a dissease with 18 symptoms that kills you in 30 seconds and releses blobs

  • once as a tot i was hiding in space from sec… there wherent even any meteors. yet some random meteor said FUCK THIS ONE IN PARTICULAR
    hitting me and critting me instantly

  • recently as a ling i had 30 units of histamine in me. sec was looking out for me and the AI would spot me the second i dared get out of maint
    so i decided to fake death to purge those chems and heal myself since it was almost critting me for 2 minutes now
    as i hide in a corner to rest midway trough my crit hos finds me yoinks me and cuffs me (i escape anyway but gotta love the timing)

  • i just happened to be BS stealing from the armory… sec just happened to have termals
    i just happened to be deleated from the game in 10 seconds

this has only been the most notable tales i can recall but there are many many more smaller ones
that occur to others (sometimes) occuring to me pretty much all the time

  • being caught in a bad moment as tot - at least once every tot shift or your money back

  • some time ago had almost every single head shift be REVS to the point i gave up heads for a while…
    Recently i gave it a try again… it was revs. ok bad timing surely next one wont be… it was revs
    2 days later i try again it cant be revs again… it was revs again
    ok fuck but i BET it cant be revs this one to i said to myself… it was revs again

  • i used to explode every other shift at least that doesnt happen anymore

  • random rod snipe… more than twice

  • sec rarely check AI SAT cams but god damn it the few times they would do it i am MALF

  • CE checks PDA messages the one time i use them to communicate with my only totaly not evil crewmember and then does a 500 iq move and impersonates him to force me to expose him i cant even be mad

  • hit by rad storm just as i leave the cloner. yea that was fun the few times it happened

  • ive never rolled wizard ;-;

indeed comedic timing and poor timing is my jam
id like to claim the title of the unluckiest birb on this station


Looks like a skill issue

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