Golden: Ya-da-da-da-da-da- It is good day to be not dead!
Ruko: POW! You are dead!
Golden: I am dead!
Ruko: Chuckling, while Beestation is doing the conga towards the scene.
Beestation: Oh! The Golden is dead!
Golden: Yes (Sandwich). I am dead!
Beestation: Why is the Golden dead?!
Ruko: I dunno.
Golden: I think it was-
Ruko & Beestation: Shhh, you are dead!
Golden: Ok.
(Autisme enters scene exiting van)
Autisme: What’s up, you wankers?! Who’s up for a- AH! What the- bloody hell just happened?!
Ruko & Beestation: The Golden is dead!
Autisme: The Golden is dead!
Beestation: Correct!
Beestation: So, did you see the murderer?
Ruko and Autisme: Nah, sorry mate.
Beestation: Slams hand on desk I will find him, I will capture him, and no one will ever die again!
(Ruko and Autisme applause)
Autisme: Ah, well that’s nice.
Ruko: I am damn proud right now.
(Archainal appears in scene)
Archainal: Atteeeeeeeeention!
(Archainal rushes to dead Golden)
Archainal: That Golden is dead!
Beestation: We know!
Archainal: Who killed him?!
Beestation: We don’t know!
Archainal: I will find clues!
(Archainal searches through pile of stuff while sniffing)
Archainal: What’s that? Grabs Ruko’s announcement An announcement?! That thing is why the Golden is dead!
Ruko, Autisme, and Beestation: The Golden is dead?!
Archainal: Slams hands on desk Yes, (Intense background appears) he died!
Ruko, Autisme, and Beestation: All shocked
(Intense background stops, showing the Ruko, Autisme, and Beestation standing in front of a green screen)
Caecilius: (From far away) Incoming!
(Ambulance crashes Archainal into a building wall, killing him.)
Caecilius: Exits out of Ambulance Raus, raus! Pushes Ruko, Autisme, and Beestation away from Golden Move now! Kisses Golden on head
(Heavenly music sounds while the light focuses on Golden)
Golden: (Rising in air) Hohoho- Golden fucking explodes.
Caecilius: In my medical opinion, that Golden is dead!
(Camera rotates to Autisme)
Autisme: Doc, what happened?
Caecilius: My professional opinion? Slams hands on desk then turns to the right (Intense background comes in) The Golden was killed!
(Intense background stops)
Ruko, Autisme, and Beestation: Panicking
Caecilius: I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.
Beestation: Well, now what?
(Hangyul entering while doing the conga in the background)
Hangyul: Clipidy clop mother****er! Boom!
Beestation: Oh come on.
Hangyul: Look at this! The freaking Golden is dead! Pause What do you think of that?
Beestation: Yes, yes, Hangyul.
Hangyul: Yea?
Beestation: Go home!
(Hangyul’s mother appears in a car telling Hangyul to get in)
Hangyul: Ah come on! Pffff! Freaking unbelievable seriously, you all suck.
(Car drives off and crashing noise is heard)
Hangyul: Screams of pain
Beestation: Ok, let’s get back to the point.
Golden: Poking at his dead body I think Golden is dead.
Ruko, Autisme, Beestation, and Caecilius: The Golden is dead?!
Golden: Oh, Seriously?! Who killed Golden?!
(Camera shows on Crossedfall drinking Scrumpy)
Crossedfall: It was me!
Ruko, Autisme, Beestation, and Golden: Shocked
Crossedfall Yes! I did it, like THIS! Fucking shoots Autisme in the head.
Autisme: Screams of pain
Demoman: Woop dee doo!
Ruko, Beestation, and Golden: Are terrified seeing Autisme’s dead body
Crossedfall: Burps That’s a joke, lads.
Ruko, Beestation, and Golden: Starts laughing like crazy
Demoman: It was… yo-… Burp Points at Ruko Him!
Ruko: Shocked How did you know?!
Crossedfall: I didn’t. That was a joke too.
(Camera moves to Ruko, as the Crossedfall keeps drinking faster)
Ruko: Manic laughter That’s right! It was me!
Beestation: You monster!
Golden: But whyyyyy?
Ruko: Cause you’re fat, boy. And another thing, you’re ugly.
Golden: Ruko, stop!
Ruko and Golden: Arguing
Beestation: Shrugs.
Ruko: Ah dammit Golden, FUCK OFF! YOU ARE DEAD!
Golden: No u, POW! Haha.
(Ruko falls dead on floor)
Golden: You are dead! Not big surprise.
Yes I just spent half an hour manually replacing names for this shitpost.