Hey there, I know this might be the weirdest place to post this in but I do not know where to ask for help.
My girlfriends mother just died in hospital due to covid and I have no idea how I am supposed to help her/if i should leave her alone/ if i should be constantly near her, whatever.
I am completely lost.
Give me some tips folks.
During this time of pain for her, you should really be supportive for her, she’s going through a really traumatic experience losing a parental figure is one of the saddest, yet eventual events to happen in a life, you shouldn’t push too hard into her life, and you should give her time to mourn
Memorabilia & being there for her is what I think you should do.
Do the thing that comes most naturally to you and hope for the best.
She gave me the "i can’t drag you into this, thanks for everything " reply. I don’t know if i should give her some time alone to mourn or if i should try to distract her somehow, even if it pisses her off. If she is angry at me in return for her grieving less that is fine, but i worry it might do the opposite and just trouble her even more.
She needs some time to come to terms with losing her mother. Try not to be too pushy, but be there to provide support if she needs/wants it.
Just be on call when needed, but give some space
That could really go both ways tbh.
I would say the best response is to continue to be there for her while she mourns, but absolutely do give her space if that’s what she says she wants directly. It sounds more like she’s afraid to burden you than that she doesn’t want you there if I take that statement verbatim though.
Everyone mourns differently, some really prefer to be alone and some really don’t despite distancing themselves.
Let her have some alone time until she recovers from the immediate shock because thats when youll be needed the most. Avoid saying anything nice about the relative because it more often than not results in opposite. Dont do anything differently, just more of it, more love/niceness etc.
Thats just general stuff, youll have adapt to however she will react and behave.
If she asks you to help her, then do so. But dont try and butt in and help if she doesnt want you to get involved. If she wants your support, she will ask for it. Dont be pushy, it might feel like you are being selfish and unsympathetic to her.
Get her a card or something like that. Give/send her flowers or something. Idk. Dont make an overt show out of it.
Dont pretend to mourn w/her if you didnt have that much of an attachment to her mother either. It will feel insincere. Just do what she asks you to do but offer to help if she is struggling exceptionally.
I really wish this were true for everyone, but it isn’t.
I know it isnt but for most people, it is.
Thanks for all the help folks.
I hope it works out well
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