Medical Mastery: How to Not Fuck Up

INTRODUCTION

Are you a medical doctor? Chemist? Maybe even the CMO? Well, if you’re inexperienced, this guide is for you! This will go over the basics of all sections of the medbay, and how to not cause everything to blow up around you. But to be experienced, you must first know your department.


DEPARTMENT

You are one of the most useless cared for departments on the station. Your task is to keep everyone alive and healthy, among other things. You carry the power to bring anyone back to the living, except for when you don’t. You will have a few main sections that go as follows.

  • Genetics
  • Virology
  • Chemistry
  • General Medic Work
  • Surgery
  • CMO Work

Go through each section as listed and you’ll be golden.


GENERAL MEDIC WORK

OH GOD OH FUCK GRAB THE DEFIBS

General medic work is pretty easy, in terms of keeping them alive long enough.

One of the most important things you do is have some gauze, a roller bed, and epinephrine/atropine for emergencies. Medical vending machines can give you what you need, and medbay storage has a decent amount of supplies to keep people alive. Just about every patient that comes into medbay is likely in a critcal state. If such is the case, use an epipen, or inject 10-15 units of epinephrine or atropine. This will stop and slowly heal people from their critical state, so you have more time to heal their wounds. Buckle your patient to the roller bed to move them around the department faster, and to avoid further injury.

In the event your patient dies, do not fret! Their is still a chance to save them. If their death was recent, you’ll be able to use a defibrillator on their chest to bring them back into a critical state. Do note it is recommended to do this on a roller bed, as you’ll be shocked if they are on the floor. Once they have been revived successfully, you can continue as normal with treating them until they are out of a critical state. Patients who are un-revivable are explained later on.

Sleepers and cryo are your most efficient ways of healing minor and major injuries for patients. You’ll generally want to stick with sleepers, and use cryo as a way to treat cellular and other more special damages to their body. Now, if you have recently got a person back from a critical state, but are still heavily damaged, you want them put in a sleeper. Once inside, you have a few options, and more if the sleeper has been upgraded. The options are as such:

  • Epinephrine - Stabilization of patients
  • Bicaridine - Brute damage
  • Kelotane - Burn damage
  • Perfluorodecalin - Converts suffocation damage into toxin damage (2/1 ratio)
  • Morphine - Can speed up patients, but also puts them to sleep shortly after (use for unruly patients)

Cryo cells are generally helpful for healing all 4 basic types of damage, but includes cellular. Cellular damage is taken mostly from being cloned and being S U C C E D by slimes, among a few other minor things. Cryo cells will preserve bodies, so keep that in mind if you have multiple dead people to deal with, to keep them safe until later.


SURGERY

STOP USING THE DRILL FUCK OFF

Surgery allows you to perform a variety of things, such as giving people new (and sometimes improved) limbs, or implanting a positronic brain in a chest cavity. Once science stops being a lazy bitch gets around to finally researching advanced and experimental surgery, you are able to perform better and more effective surgeries. Some of the most important is reconstruction, revival, and lobotomy. Reconstruction will allow you to remove the brute damage of a body without having to use chemicals, making it effective for bringing a corpse’s body back to lower levels of damage to make them revivable. Continuing the subject of un-revivable subjects, the revival surgery can be used to bring people past the point of defibrillation back to life.

Surgery is also common in practice for dissection of bodies (for research points) and removing infectious tumors. (fucking appendicitis or beno baby) A 10 unit ethanol patch is recommended during surgery to hasten the process of procedures, and to help diminish the risk of an alien bursting out of someone’s chest due to time constraints.

Remember; if you don’t know what you’re doing, follow the surgery console in the room!


REVIVAL

oh god oh fuck how to clone ipc??

Revival is common within the medbay, considering the lethality of shitsec the station. Along with the aforementioned ways to revive people, sometimes bodies will be un-revivable. Should you come along a husk, (a grey body with bloody marks around them) they will be un-revivable unless their brain is in a non-husked body. A brain transfer is recommended for these bodies, unless the cloner is upgraded, allowing them to be cloned.

Cloning is the easiest way to bring someone back from the dead, should the revival surgery not be available. This comes with the trade-off of losing all implants within the body, and cellular damage. Revival surgery is recommended for any medbay worker to perform if the body isn’t too heavily damaged. Note that plasmamen should be cloned, as their bodies will combust into flames should you take off their envirosuits. (unless you plasmaflooded surgery for them) Strange Reagant can also be used to bring people back to life, should they be in the prerequisites as a regular defibrillator.


GENETICS

STOP FUCKING ORGASMING OVER THE RADIO FUCKING HULKS

Genetics is the alteration of somebody’s DNA. This can give powers to the people injected with a certain mutation, good or bad. The job is fairly simple, add in and/or fix DNA strands. A goes with T, G goes with C. Once done, the mutation should be completed, and the effect will take place. However, you may find a certain part of the strand where both are displayed as X. Not to fear, my friend. Simply use your JOKER option within the selector, and it should give you the correct letter. (with the downside of having a long cooldown) Scanning with your genetic sequence analyzer can also help you with finding the missing letters, allowing you to complete mutations with ease.


CHEMISTRY

Chemistry, please stop making floorpills filled with meth, the clown keeps taking all of them.

Chemistry is a more advanced part of the medbay, where you mix potassium and water a multitude of chemicals together in order to make healing chems, or corgis. It’s recommended to have a separate tab open on your device with all the chemistry recipes. (such as this, but the beestation wiki has the actual trekchem recipes listed so you dont confuse yourself) Treat the wiki as gospel, as it is probably impossible to memorize every single fucking chem recipe in this game.

Since you’re almost always in the front of the medbay, you’re mainly tasked with throwing healing chems at people and telling them not to steal a medkit from the storage. (actually fuck off and stop stealing medkits they’re important) You’ll generally want to have tricordrazine and salbutamol at the ready to deal with all 4 basic types of damages. You can also heal ear, eye, and other organ-related damages with most of your chemicals. You’re also responsible for making the cure for diseases, as is the virologist.


VIROLOGY

I DIDN’T RELEASE THE VIRUS I WAS IN MY LAB THE WHOLE TIME!!

As the virologist, you’re tasked with making viruses. You’re essentially partnered with chemistry, as they are able to make cures for your diseases and spread them, and you need them to grind up uranium for stable uranium gel for that sweet, sweet, regen coma. Do note that by being a virologist, people will instantly come breaking down your airlocks if a random disease pops up out of nowhere, even if you didn’t do it.

You generally want to take a culture of whatever in your fridge, and make a few copies in your machine. Add whatever you want into the culture copies and add deadly diseases all the helpful virus mutations you want into the culture via virus plasma, stable uranium gel, and the likes. You can only have 6 active mutations within the blood culture, and some mutations will override others. Make sure to neuter your original symptom to allow one extra beneficial symptom and then probably run it by the CMO so people aren’t killing you first, and asking questions later.


THE CMO

LET GO OF MY FUCKING HYPOSPRAY WHERE ARE YOUR SUIT SENSORS

As the CMO, you are given the task of big doctor person. You make sure your workers are in check, and aren’t absolutely braindead while treating patients. (don’t fucking give slimepeople anti-toxin you fucking brainlets) You are also given the job to make sure everyone has maxed out their suit sensors in case of emergencies, and to hunt them down for johnson inspection make sure they are not in danger and fully healed of any ailments. You have a crew monitor in your office that’ll allow you to check the statuses of anyone who has enabled their suit sensors.

Your hypospray is a generally useful tool that is given to you. It is originally filled with omnizine, which you can extract with a syringe in order to fill it with whatever you’d like, hopefully a better healing chemical. (or chloral hydrate, i’m not saying you can’t) This can hold up to 30 units of whatever can be held inside, and can be instantly injected into anyone who isn’t wearing a hardsuit or something similar. Use to quickly stabilize patients, or give a quick fix to anyone who has only minor injuries. Note that the hypospray is a traitor objective, and you’ll probably be killed for it. Take care of yourself, and chloral anyone near you tell a security officer to keep medbay in check, if you are busy. Basically, just do all the jobs around medbay if no one else is doing them.

1 Like

more like cmo is medical
chemistry is busy exploding/making meth
viro’s been lynched for the 3rd time for making a negro virus
anyone dragging ipcs to cloning are cringe
give plasmemes suffocation meds and a shower when cloned

it has been too long since the viro clan has struck

but we will return one day

fair

oh god oh fuck spare me plasmadad

cured the second I cough nerd

time to awaken my viro masters

Z E S K O R I O N
W IN D O W S E R R O R S

AWAKEN MY MASTERS

wake the fuck up viro clan, we’ve got a station to disease

you act like you’ll even cough

actually, why do my lungs feel like they’re shrinking…?

AYEAYEAYEAYEYAAAAAAAAAA .

it hurts to breathe

also why do all the doctors in this game smoke more than fucking Stalin

Also, reading your viro shit, you have no idea how viro works

Leave it to the professionals

Ash for plastic recipe obviously

play CMO

be inexperienced.

Get out. For real people, don’t play a head role if you can’t even do the basics first.

Nice guide. You should probably mention that the actual genetics part of genetics is under the supervision of science, since some geneticists will ignore you in the gene lab, since you technically aren’t their boss. The CMO is in charge of their cloning tasks (which they never do)

bro, i kno how viro works :(((

yeah that line was meant to be a joke i kind of screwed up by not adding an extra sentence there

also i have no fucking idea how genetics works otherwise i know just about everything in regular medbay

ok stop insulting the mofths they try their best

viro easy
make perfect regen coma disease that can stablize anyone even after being nuked and left in space

never actually get regen coma because mining died trying to get sick loot instead of doing their job ;(

not getting the urnium yourself

sharing your disease with the crew

laughs in blasmaman

I’m tryna heal the crew nerd
besides the perfect regen coma disease has no room for plasmemes
outta 'ere

Don’t worry, most geneticists don’t understand their chain of command either, so you can generally boss them around. Technically though, since they always ignore cloning, which is a medical thing, they might as well be apart of the science department.

Also, watch out, the RD can access both doors to genetics, meaning he has a straight shot towards cloning. If you need to ensure some one dies in cloning, you can go straight through genetics, emag the cloner, then just walk out the way you came.

Also, one more thing I want to point out: when using the defibrillator, you don’t get shocked if they’re on the floor, you get shocked if you’re pulling them. You have to let go of them if you don’t want to get electrocuted.

I’d like to say that I never shock myself any more, now that I know this, but I almost crit myself last time I use the defibrillator because I forgot to stop pulling them.

Btw, how do you do the strike through text?

ackshually, inorganic biology is one of the best stat symptoms if you wanna spread your regen coma disease, nerd

and if you just stack a buncha beneficials, well, laughs in salt smoke grenade