Ideas for medical shenanigans

Attention all crewmembers, CMO moth is in great danger, and she needs YOUR help to come up with ideas for fucked up medbay shenanigans. To do this, she needs experimental surgery and advanced surgical tools. To help her, all she needs is all medbay tech researched, more medical doctors, and THE FUCKING SURGICAL DRAPES WHERE ARE TH. But you gotta be quick so that Izatha can stop Chemistry from exploding, and achieve the epic greentext.

please give me some stupid ass shit to do with my patients like implanting a positronic brain into their chest or a liquid dark matter dental implant

  • Plumbing is always a good idea.
  • Perform the actual advanced surgeries on people once researched (i refer to ligament hooks and that).
  • Dissect any kind of thing possible, make security robocops with xenomorph and abductor organs.
  • actually build the DNA vault from cargo, its your objective silly.
  • supply absurd chemicals to the crew (or helpful ones, such as ephedrine implants for sec)
  • get a pneumatic cannon, flex on the miners mining on lavaland with meth bombs.
  • convert the entire station to inmortal beings, making antags cry.
  • Ignore cloning completely, after people is implanted, rely solely on revival surgery.
  • build wack machines, make an organ farm on lavaland by using a tendril, conveyors and a harvester.
  • punish criminal lizards by stealing their tails and drinking lizard wine in front of them, or whip the catgirl traitor to death using their own tail made into a cat o’ nine tails.

Mass produce strange reagent and begin to spread the word of the jesus chem to the infidels

  • kidnap and brainwash innocent people off the side of the hallway, then create an army of drug powered super soldiers with the help of chemistry and genetics.

  • implant the captain’s gun inside yourself, and run around like cyclops from x-men.

  • charge insane prices for medical care, and enslave those who cannot pay.

  • get the crew hopelessly addicted to drugs, then charge them money for more drugs.

  • turn medical into a dungeon, and do horrible experiments.

  • alternatively, have genetics hand out lightning hand and telekinesis, and start a cult of sith lords. Now all you need is an actual lightning bolt to fly from you hand, instead of people randomly taking burn damage from the lightning hand power.

Just a few things I would do, if I wasn’t afraid of getting banned.

Actually curious though, are the lightning hands supposed to shoot out a lightning bolt, or are they working properly right now. Seems weird that the only tell is you being hurt.

Put someone into a bluespace bodybag, implant it in someone else’s chest, put the person with a bs body bag in a bs body bag, implant them into someone else, implant the person implanted with a person with a bs body bag into a bs body bag into the captain, who you put in a bs body bag and implant them in the clown and then impla…

Then watch the clown jump into the SM, killing everyone.

good ideas

tried implanting body bag into a person before, didn’t work sadly

spess american healthcare, classic

imagine NOT using revival surgery, cringe

non-human extremities are kept for turning others into human hybridizations

hard coordination but it’s a fucking good ass idea, thank you for this

I’ve actually wanted to do half the stuff I listed. Maybe when I roll antag, cause I don’t want to get banned.

The high price medical care one has been done before, but I thought I would mention it again.

me wwhen remove patient appendix

Moth’s aren’t carnivores though. That’s more “when a lizard removes the appendix.”

they can still eat meat but throw up, which is why i still eat their appendix in front of them when i wake them up

implant check all the dead bodies that you can

tfw free storage implant


and then the CMO yells at me when i cut the power to the genetics APC

because the guy being cloned had a storage implant

better fucking cut power to cloning because he tator

implants dont transfer via cloning plasmanerd :sunglasses:

honestly im always bent whenever a tator dies because i have to either clone them to throw in permabrig or keep them dead because people keep telling at me both option and then i break down

Cremate tators
Cremate your targets

Make medical a nudist department, no service unless you’re not wearing a jumpsuit

Stupid, I know, but it could make for an effective “social experiment”

Im a plasmeme and i never aask medical for help unless im crawling there in crit or i need the abductor organ i found in maint shoved into my chest cavity

You will never see my hot naked blasma body cenrus

Im not sorry

are you high currently

n what the fuck cenrus there are minors on the server we cannot let them see the pixelated boobs !!