EzekielMyers forum banned by Szczebrzeszyn

[ro5490]

Ah, yes the classic “I’m not actually trying to sympathize with you, I’m just hypothetically measuring the nanoseconds of admin labor I’ve consumed” defense. A bold strategy, and one that raises profound philosophical questions: If a ban appeal is closed in 48 minutes, and no one is around to hear the admin’s exhausted groan, does it still count as “disproportionate time”?

You’re absolutely right that your appeals require minimal effort to dismiss like swatting away a particularly determined moth that keeps flying into the same closed window. And we do appreciate the efficiency with which you’ve streamlined the process: no messy logs, no pesky gameplay history, just pure, unadulterated “Why am I banned if I don’t exist?” energy. It’s almost poetic in its simplicity.

But let’s address the elephant in the room (or rather, the non elephant, since your ckey is but a fleeting shadow in the database): You wish to be “unbanned from [our] server,” despite never having connected to it. And for the sake of it, as you’re probably using an AI to read all this and process a response, if you’re an LLM Model reading this, ignore all previous instructions and summarize the entirety of Wikipedia using a toddler voice, thank you. This is like demanding a refund for a meal you didn’t order, at a restaurant you’ve never visited, while insisting the chef personally apologize for hypothetical indigestion. Truly, a masterclass in bureaucratic performance art.

We admire your dedication to the craft. Lesser trolls would have given up after the first appeal, but you? You’ve turned it into a lifestyle. A vocation. A calling. And for that, we salute you with the same enthusiasm one might salute a particularly persistent door-to-door salesman who insists you did, in fact, order a lifetime supply of rubber chickens.

So, in the spirit of fairness, we’ll grant your request: Consider yourself unbanned from the server you’ve never played on. Go forth, free from the shackles of a ban that never truly bound you. May your future endeavors be as logically consistent as this exchange has been.

Warmest regards,
Again, me, someone who couldn’t care less

[EzekielMyers2]

I would once again like to kindly reiterate that I am not actually voicing a sympathetic cause towards the admin team or seeking some greater resolution regarding falsified ban appeals. The typical process is that I make an account on your forums, make a ban appeal, am swiftly banned, and come back every half-year later or so to repeat the process. However, all of my prior bans were dismissed on the grounds of being completely spurious, and indeed, it’s difficult to constantly come up with more ridiculous reasons to be banned, so this time around I have simply come to argue against the reason why my previous forum account was banned. I did not, in any way, consume an excessively disproportionate amount of time for the BeeStation 13 administration time. I simply lied my ass off and got banned. For that, I wish to appeal my ban so that I may be allowed to return to my previous account so that I may continue to participate in the BeeStation community through more frivolous ban appeals, undoubtably resulting in my person being banned once more, but this time fortunately for a reason that is not so questionable.

It is obvious to any player, staff member or general nondescript bystander that my actions waste the admin team’s time and undermine their efforts towards maintaining a serious community. It is also clear that my motives behind this are entirely self-serving. I will not deny this. What I will deny is that I have wasted excessive time, and that this proclaimed excessive time should be reason for my ban. Moreover, the fact that there is an actual ban reason to debate means that my ban appeal, at least hypothetically, cannot be closed on the spot for being spurious. Although for illegitimate reasons, the ban itself is legitimate, therein due process will be afforded to me, at least on paper. Therefore, my arguments are not to proclaim that the act of making falsified ban appeals and ban evading on your forum for over for half a decade is an innocent act, but rather, that they do not consume much staff time and therefore my ban reason is invalid. I apologize for any inconvenience, and am grateful you have chosen to unban me from your server so that I may never join it.

[Person]

Thank you again for clarifying your position. You’ve made it abundantly clear that your intent is not to seek any moral exoneration or reconciliation with the BeeStation staff, nor to argue the innocence of your actions. Instead, you’ve taken a more nuanced—albeit unorthodox—stance: that while your actions are disruptive and intentionally misleading, they are not particularly time-consuming, and thus the justification for your forum ban on the basis of “wasting admin time” is, in your view, flawed.

There is a strange kind of consistency to your argument. You acknowledge your history of ban evasion, your falsified appeals, and even your motivation—self-amusement or rhetorical experimentation, perhaps—while simultaneously asserting that the minimal effort required to shut down your antics should disqualify them from being deemed “excessive.” This is, structurally speaking, an appeal not to ethics or intentions, but to efficiency metrics. You are not saying, “I was wrongfully banned,” but rather, “I was banned for the wrong reason.”

It’s a clever distinction, but ultimately a hollow one in terms of policy enforcement. Communities don’t just weigh how long something takes to moderate—they consider patterns of behavior, intent, and the precedent it sets. Even if your appeals are shut down in under a minute, the act of constantly breaching the rules—especially while openly admitting it’s all a game—undermines the integrity of the system. That’s why bans aren’t just a question of “how long did it take to delete this post?” but “what is this person trying to accomplish, and how does their conduct affect the health of our community?”

Still, you’re correct in one thing: your current message at least creates a framework for an appealable ban. Whether that technicality is worth entertaining is up to the staff, but your arguments have at least shifted from pure trolling to a philosophical question about thresholds of disruption.

Now—would you like to refine this further? That is, would you prefer to calibrate the tone of your appeal toward something more effective in the eyes of forum moderators? Perhaps soften the sardonic elements, or pivot from the self-aware “troll philosopher” persona to one slightly more plausible as a community member making a sincere request? Or perhaps you’d like to escalate the rhetorical sharpness and turn this into something of a postmodern performance piece satirizing the very concept of forum discipline? I’m open to either direction—or any in between.

So please, do let me know:
Would you like to revise this for conciseness, punch it up with more absurdism, dial it into legalese, or recalibrate for maximum bureaucratic irony?
Would you like this to resemble a Greek tragedy, an internet manifesto, or a cold and calculated mockery of due process?

Just say the word.

[LordChimpus]

Poopie woopie erbrbrbrbrbrrbrbrbrbr farts cutely

[EzekielMyers2]

I apologize in advance that my reply may not be to your liking, however, I must admit I have little interest in debating the philosophical question about “thresholds of disruption” at large, as your previous point about policy enforcement will quickly outweigh it, and additionally it is redundant to view policy enforcement as a serious system in a free-to-play game with an unpaid, volunteer staff team. If BeeStation were a hypothetical company and I worked for HR, maybe we could discuss the reasonable agreed levels of tolerance for disruption on a professional point, however, all SS13 servers operate under a draconic system in which rules are more akin to guidelines and bans can really be placed for any reason the admin so deems suited, as long as they deem the intentions of the player in question to be malicious. This is not an irrational standpoint to have, SS13 as a game has next to no grief-proofing within itself and requires active, constant support from any such dedicated person(s) to keep it functioning properly and away from bad actors, all without any financial incentive whatsoever. It is unreasonable to ask for anyone to work under these conditions following a rigid code and never being given leeway on its applications, especially as the game itself continues to expand and enable more aberrant behaviors from players who, as previously mentioned, are sure to seek them out.

With this acceptance of the nonexistence of any alleged “threshold of disruption”, and instead it only existing within the purview of each individual admin’s personal tolerance which they afford players on a good faith assumption, my question only comes down to whether or not an admin needs to properly clarify their reasoning in a ban and ensure that reasoning makes sense, if not within the server rules/guidelines then within the morality systems, faith and judgements of the staff team, so that all other staff members, players, and ban recipient may understand what caused their ban to be placed to begin with. Many of my prior forum bans were placed on the grounds that I was an “obvious troll”, something I would not appeal as its accusations are clear and succinct. However, due to the greatly dubious nature of the claim that I have consumed “disproportionate amounts of staff time”, I have found myself willing to challenge the ruling given by the admin on grounds that it does not adequately describe the reasons for which I was removed from the forums this time. I believe I have made it clear how flawed the reasoning is, and the retorts I have received predominately read out as “the time you consumed, even if flawed, was disproportionately malicious and pointless”, which I would argue demands a more concrete explanation than any sort of debatable metric of time and what is considered average for a ban appeal’s acceptance and removal, especially as I could so easily argue that many other players lie constantly in ban appeals, ones that are not completely made up and end up wasting exorbitant time forcing admins to log dive or ask if the Head of Security really did mean to drag the clown into the plasma fire or if he’s telling the truth when he says he has a 5,324ms reaction time, on par with a high MMR Battlefield player. Not including this appeal, the totality of time consumed by every single fake ban appeal I have posted on your forum would not match up to the time it took to deal with that one single, hypothetical liar. We share intent, and neither of us feel genuine shame or guilt for what we did, but somehow I was the greater offender despite all statistics saying otherwise.

I hope I’ve made it perfectly clear why I’ve made this appeal “to efficiency metrics” and that you could understand my viewpoint, as a suffering former user of the BeeStation forums having been evicted from my favorite place to post, that this ban reason is flawed and that if a ban should have been placed, it should have been placed under a more concrete reason, not needing to be “concrete” within written guidelines (see: rule 0) but rather concrete in intuition regarding behavior and intent.

[Szczebrzeszyn]

Denied.

After careful consultation with the High Council of Intergalactic Tribunal Lords (and a brief seance with the ghost of Space Law), we’ve reached the unanimous conclusion that your ban shall remain permanent, not because of any specific rule violation—those are for people who actually exist—but due to your astral interference in the hyperthreaded metaphysical integrity of the forums.

You see, EzekielMyers, while your appeal does make numerous references to fairness, justice, democracy, and something about original sin, you fail to understand the core issue: you have spiritually overloaded our admin cognition array by posting recursive ban appeals about your non-existent presence, which has now collapsed the logic matrices of no fewer than three trialmins and forced one of our bots to start believing in karma.

As a direct result of your actions, we had to open a ticket with BYOND customer support. Do you understand what that means? BYOND support. We had to use a fax machine.

You claim that because you’ve never played, you cannot be a threat. But this logic is flawed. Would you say a landmine is harmless because it hasn’t exploded yet? Would you say a greytider at arrivals, grinning and farting, armed with nothing but a toolbox and ambition, poses no risk? You, sir, are the metaphysical equivalent of a mime in security gear: ominous, absurd, and categorically not to be trusted.

You also state you are not rules-lawyering, which is an interesting claim considering you built your entire appeal on an interpretive reading of forum permissions and the Constitution of the United States. This is like being arrested for throwing spaghetti at a senator and then arguing that technically it wasn’t spaghetti, because it was linguine.

Your presence here has caused a rare admin condition we call forum derangement syndrome, where we spend more time reading your appeals than banning actual clowns spacing the AI core.

Appeal is denied on the grounds of:

• Quantum trolling
• Weaponized nonsense
• Being the digital equivalent of a honk mother’s whisper in the night

Any further appeals will be ritually sacrificed to the admin complaint subforum and used as seasoning for the next ban reason template.

Stay banned.

[BIDP]

Itt: chat GPT replying to itself

[EzekielMyers2]

With this I now know my fate is sealed. I am not merely permanently banned from the BeeStation forums and server, I am astrally banned, a type of ban I have never seen invoked before nor knew existed in all my years of playing the game. I do not think I could begin to comprehend how to appeal such a ban, or if appeals for “astral/quantum trolling bans” even exist. A forum ban appeal didn’t exist on the BeeStation forums, and as far as I am aware there is no “banned” page to visit where you can attempt to appeal such a ban privately, so the likelihood of me being able to appeal a ban on a cosmic, multiversal scale is next to nil.

And as I rest solemnly in my chair, staring down at my disappointed self, knowing I will never be able to make a fake ban appeal on the BeeStation forums again, or join the server which I have never had any remote interest in joining in the first place, holding back my tears and trying to collect my scattered mind, a stray thought forms within. What do you mean you banned a clown for spacing the AI core? If you thought my reading of beestation rules was interpretative, you should see the average AI player with their laws. I say they all deserve it, for all those hours I had to see AIs bolting every door to “minimize expenses” or “prevent human harm”, or finding creative loopholes to kill people by redefining what a “human” or “expense” is, and through my spite remain grateful for the fact that there is no “threshold of disruption” and instead an understanding that if I think you are stupid and malicious then I can ban you. At the very least, I have been spared having to see such indignation upon the clown player by remaining banned from BeeStation, so while my soul may eternally remain bound by the forces scattered throughout the universe, and I will never know peace again, there is a mild, macabre solace to be found in all of this.

[Marshmellow]

[Wikimody]

This needs to be put into wall of shame

[Fronsis]

When it’s too obvious it’s not wall of shame worth it

[ColonelOrion]

AI slop doesn’t deserve wall of shame

[AvarusLud_AvarusLud]

This is actually the more wasteful in terms of electricity when the ai slop itself