EPS Mail Delivery Milestones

made this thread so that players (including me) can keep record of peak mail delivery moments, which could serve either as memories or creativity fuel for further roleplay ideas

A certain date is menacingly looming over the horizon

For player/character feedback regarding EPS series, please refer to this thread instead: EPS Series Feedback

without further ado, Express Post Service units have managed to:

  • deliver mail to traitor in hardsuit, (for Syndicate Operative)
  • deliver mail with fine to a nightmare
  • deliver hate mail to wizard, signed by crew (hello Taylor Fisher, Quartermaster, Marina Pisces, witch that haunts the halls)
  • tail captain all the way in captain’s quarters to deliver mail
  • deliver mail to Renault, deliver mail to Walter, deliver mail to Tom, deliver mail to mouse, deliver mail to legionnaire…
  • annoy a certain french captain with mail during a high threat situation leading to a dear reply, something along the lines of… “PUTAIN, FUCK OFF WITH LE MAIL”
  • give a certain HoP mailbot PTSD
  • chase a virologist refusing mail across medbay, station halls, maintenance, space…
  • eventually, don a firesuit, approach from space, knock on bridge window where they take refuge in with the aforementioned HoP and captain

You Got Mail!

in fact, everyone in that room DID have mail

  • get basic access to all departments from another, mailbot fan HoP

WOO, AN EPS UNIT. FUCK YEAH. THESE THINGS ARE LIKE TERMINATORS FOR MAIL

  • deliver mail to explorers… while they’re in mission… at a derelict station… using the public shuttle
  • deliver mail to aforementioned QM by hitching an unauthorized trip to centcom in an ERT shuttle
  • deliver mail from an obssessed to their target, a security officer, supposedly a very scary letter

if you believe I missed any peak mail delivery moments, feel free to add or complete details here

20 Likes

glad to be of service when trying to push mail delivery to new levels of stupidity, i’ll see you when you try to hand me my mail when i enter the error room

3 Likes

Not even the US post office can top this.

2 Likes

Yo this gimmick is fire and I want to steal it

3 Likes

I really need to expand the Mail system do I?

7 Likes

while at this
I remember receiving mail for observer ghosts, such as Metarosa, or even players in game but not observing yet (aka CKEYs), but I’ve yet to find out how to deliver them
sadly PMing players by CKEY on byond is not a thing, at least as far as I managed to find (aside from being metacomms)
on the other hand, if I want to deliver mail to people insisting to receive mail, I would take one of those several spam mails named “important letter” or “for (adj) adventurers” or “for those feeling X working at nanotrasen”, keep it in personal bag and check if any of those mails are suitable in given situations

ckey people are on the title screen, on the centcom z-level, protected by cordons. you would need to do some serious bug exploiting to get there

12 Likes

if I remember correctly from a dchat discussion with an admin, any sort of cordon passing exploit would result in a ban, so that idea is a no

2 Likes

its for the greater good. No letter left unmailed

12 Likes

Ok, that’s a lame response.

If I were an admin and saw a mail delivery bot somehow deliver mail to a ghost, I’d be too busy laughing/being in awe to actually ban the person.

3 Likes

Same. I’d just laugh because an AFK player got mail.

Make a traitor item exclusively for Cargo Techs and the QM:

Counterfeit Mailman’s Hat
Allows you to open other people’s mail while wearing it.

Probably should only cost like 2-3 TC because it seems to have limited use outside of gimmicks.

9 Likes

open Captains mail, pray for revolver drop. Open Chaplains mail, pray for holy hand grenade drop. Open VIP mail, pray for captain encryption key. Could actually be pretty powerful theoretically, just relies very heavily on RNG

2 Likes

Better idea, allow it to also stuff items inside and re-seal it. Make the crew fear mail with nades strapped to mouse traps.

4 Likes

@PigeonVerde if you’re cool with it I will look into implementing those things

3 Likes

Counterfeit Mailman’s hat: Let’s you open other peoples mail

Counterfeit Mailman’s uniform: Wraps the item in your active hand in a custom envelope. Judging by the fact the QM can open a full rifle, I assume letters use some bluespace bullshit so size can be ignored unless REALLY unbalanced stuff happens as a consequence.

Set Bonus: Can tag yourself with a destination tagger to mail yourself to any disposal outlet without needing a friend

Bonus item, the Syndicate Mailbag: When used in the active hand, can shoot the letters placed inside like a gun, potentially embedding some in the targets skin

9 Likes

No idea how implementable any of those things are, but a Syndicate mailman makes me giggle

There’s a pipe bomb TTV in your mailbox.

10 Likes

You know what would actually be cool? If obsessed could open the mail of their targets

6 Likes

Deliver mail to someone within the Hilbert’s Hotel. Good luck guessing which room they’re staying in, though.

4 Likes