Contest! Write a pamphlet about lavaland

The post with the most likes by the end of the weekend wins.

I have a PR open that will re-purpose gateways for travel to and from lavaland, but there’s a pamphlet right by gateways with the wrong information on it that I need to replace first. Write up a fun advertisement to replace the existing one that I can’t screenshot without it looking like a potato apparently!


would be funny to spawn it on the beach bum spawn too, since thats supposed to be a holiday destination


Would you want the post to already be in a format (with italics and everything) or just typed out normally?

I’ll have to reformat it regardless since it has to be in HTML

absolutely writing one after im done playing

I asked AI dungeon.

Text copy

“This is the gateway to a brand new life, on a brand new planet! Where the skies are bright and the beaches are vast and beautiful! Where flying to work is as easy as walking to the store! Where your dreams come true, and your fantasies can be reality! You could be there in just a couple of minutes, we promise!”


Are you tired of floating through the depths of space on a station that underpays you?
Are you tired of being forced to mop the floor of tyrannical overlords after an assistant chugs all of the bar and pukes everywhere?
Do you wish to just get away from it all and have a peaceful nights rest for once?

Come down to LAVALAND!

Lavaland is the ultimate place for vacational purposes! We have all sorts of sights to see, and things to interact with!

The locals are peaceful folk, with an extreme sense of culture! You’ll find all sorts of humanoids while visiting this wonderland of an asteroid!

Relax in your comfy beach chair by our wonderful lavalakes! So beautiful, you’ll be begging to go swimming! Make sure you wear shades!

Make sure to bring an umbrella! the ash regularly rains down on our lands, it’s pleasant to the skin and quite soothing! Though some folk may not like that, so thats why you keep an umbrella!

Witness all sorts of natural wild fauna! From our beautiful Goliaths, to Watchers, All the way to our pet named Bubblegum!

And don’t even get me started at our extreme diversity of plant life you’ll find here!

With all sorts of fun, heart-pumping activities, you’ll find yourself right at home no matter your profession!

Welcoming you with open arms to Lavaland!

ʷᵃʳⁿⁱⁿᵍ﹕ ⁿᵃⁿᵒᵗʳᵃˢᵉⁿ ⁱˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ˡⁱᵃᵇˡᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ᵃⁿʸ ⁱⁿʲᵘʳⁱᵉˢ, ᵈᵉᵃᵗʰˢ, ˡᵒˢˢ ᵒᶠ ᵖᵉʳˢᵒⁿᵃˡ ᵇᵉˡᵒⁿᵍⁱⁿᵍˢ, ᵒʳ ˡᵒᵛᵉᵈ ᵒⁿᵉˢ. ᵈᵒ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵖᵉᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ʷⁱˡᵈˡⁱᶠᵉ ᵒʳ ᵉᵃᵗ ᵃⁿʸ ᵖˡᵃⁿᵗˢ. ʷᵉᵃʳ ᵖʳᵒᵖᵉʳ ᵖʳᵒᵗᵉᶜᵗⁱᵛᵉ ᵍᵉᵃʳ ᵇᵉᶠᵒʳᵉ ˢᵗᵉᵖᵖⁱⁿᵍ ᵒᵘᵗˢⁱᵈᵉ. ᵃˡʷᵃʸˢ ᵇᵉ ᵃᶜᶜᵒᵐᵖᵃⁿⁱᵉᵈ ʷʰᵉⁿ ᵉˣᵖˡᵒʳⁱⁿᵍ ˡᵃᵛᵃ ˡᵃᵏᵉˢ.


imagine this in the voice of a cheesy oldtimey announcer and the warning label as a deep voiced guy talking quickly

A dazzling amber glow is just the beginning of what this dwarf planet has to offer. Golden lakes of molten lava, picture-perfect beaches, magnificent fauna and sandy swathes envelop the surface of this delightful holiday destination. Expansive plains carpeted in silky ash, sky-touching mountains and eye-popping natural landscapes boast unforgettable safaris that your family will remember long after the sun goes down. Distant, deep rumbles of volcanoes keep the prices minimal to stop you from going bank-erupt.

The resort is pulled up right by the magma sea - you can walk through the grounds, past the landing pad straight into the ash-gilded beach. Velvety bone-grey hills and mountains flank the dormitories, giving way to breath-taking ruins and relics painstakingly uncovered by our expert team of archaeologists.

‘Contemporary’ and ‘Stylish’ - that’s what the architect had in mind when designing the Lavaland Holiday Resort. Everything from the rooms and restaurant to the lake-style pools and spa look the part. Rooms here are luxurious and modern - state-of-the-art rain showers and surround sound systems come as standard.

The natives’ humble hamlet looks the spitting image of a Terran village, with low-rise buildings cosied up to rugged cliffs. Guests - or should we say, residents - get free rein of a pool, two restaurants and five bars. Nanotrasen has secured a nature reserve by the village, where you’ve got nature trails and a cave full of pre-Colonial cave paintings to discover.

You and your family will fall in lava with Lavaland!


i’m so disappointed I didnt think of this

thats such a good tagline FUCK

lava hot also weird angry lizards

“This is not the last (nerf) you will see from me, miner. I am always watching.”

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Honestly all I can think of now is making a “outdated” pamphlet to what lavaland could’ve been. Like Nanotrason working with the plant people in order to make lavalands into new planets, but things going horribly wrong and resulting in the project failing as a whole, with just remnants of plans left and just pamphlets advertising the creation of “Giaworlds”.

Reading the pamphlet, you decide to go into the gateway and join in to help. Only then you find out that nothing was like what it said, entire planet is a even more hostile area than the pamphlet even says. A miner fills in that, “Yeah those are outdated, says copyright AD52857 on the back. We still find the living terrarium ships occasionally, failed to activate most of the time so we don’t see pod people too often in em. Appreciate all the help we can get though! Lost two men to Bubblegum and we need more than just me getting ores. Though a word of advice since you’re new to lavaland, you don’t recognize the hosts to any legions you kill. That is at least what you’ll need to tell yourself to do well here”

Can you replace it with a pile of ashes instead?

I might try putting this on an actual png at some point, who knows.

Hello valued Nanotrasen employee, you’ve been selected or have volunteered to add a shift working, living and enjoying our premier plasma resourcing planet, endearingly named by our crews aboard and on the ground “Lavaland”!

Here are afew things to expect with your new work enviroment! :

  • Sweet sweet natural Atmosphere ; is the station just not your style? are you partial to warmer climates? is even a lower than average barometric pressure a comfortable and welcome thing to you? Well by jiminy Lava land isn’t a paradise world, but you won’t be worried about explosive decompression any time soon. Just remember to keep your Oxygen mask on and step inside for break time when the wind picks up!*

  • Game hunting ; ever want to bag yourself a real hunting trophy? well here’s your chance! theres all sorts of hearty creatures that float about and stomp around on four and even two legs. get your dinner plates, and wood plaque ready for the next beast, be that Goliath, Watcher, Ashwalker or even more exotic and bigger! and the best part is you can do it on Company time!**

  • Wild enviroment ; are you a frontier type? do you embrace the challenge of maintaining a building with your few peers? Lavaland and it’s base is perfect for you. Sometimes the unexpected happens, some of the walls, pipe work and floors may need your expertise, but you knew and were ready for that!***, Working in space on places like Asteroids about the sector is also an NT approved course of action for the more void inclined!

  • Crewmates like family ; The weathered and experienced**** Mining corps of Nanotrasen are a welcoming bunch, always looking for new hands to join the illustrious crews of rock breakers and beast slayers***** if there’s any one division of NT that looks out for their own, its the Miners!******

  • Top of the line equipment ; you might be surprised how much NT RnD’s budget is devoted to outfitting our folks digging! while we won’t be discussing numbers, you can get a good idea based on the peerless equipment you’ll be handling. from Diamond tipped drills and Sonic Jackhammers, to the latest in rock sundering plasma cutters!******* Technological marvels made to make getting the hard materials an easy task!

So what are you waiting for! You’re a Miner for NT, get out there, reap the rewards and make us proud!


( “Lavaland” does not possess a breathable atmosphere, Ash storms cappable of inflicting 1st to 3rd degree burns and death regularly occur. ** Various Trophies along side any additional equipment gained through hunting is considered property of Nanotrasen and will be taken for company use at the end of the shift. *** Base repair skills not necessary but recommended, no training provided. **** The Seniority and skill of Miners on shift will vary. ***** the knowledge and experience for actual mining and hunting possesed by Miners on shift may not include such skillsets. ****** Levels of assistance for miners in distress by other miners will vary.*
******** Diamond tipped drills, Sonic jackhammers and Plasma cutters may or may not be issued or available for requisition during your shift, En lieu of which you will be expected to use more basic equipment such as pickaxes, Note that Proto-Kinetic Accelerators, Survival knives and heavy duty flashlights will always be issued.)


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