A bee station story

once upon a time

there was a new player

once upon a time, there was a new player, and his name was Dillbert

Dillbert wanted to play as an engineer

He spends some time reading and watching, and eventually learns the art of how to setup the round start, pure N2 supermatter engine

He learns to do machine and computer construction

He learns the solars

He knows how to set up atmos round start

And nothing more

Dillbert decides, “what the hell this is way too fucking simple”, and plays Chief Engineer

And you know what

The first round goes swimmingly

The engine humms along

a few holes are poked but those are easily fixed

The next round is much of the same

Low pop peace time

And it is during this low pop peace time, that a scourge festers in Dillbert

a blight

a plague

because

because, Dillbert is growing content

Dillbert is growing complacent

Dillbert is growing cocky

Dillbert thinks he’s got this engineering thing down straight down the barrel, when in reality, he has the bare bones of what he really needs as an engineer

Then, a round of chaos

The engine is sabotaged, then medbay is bombed, but luckily, an experienced engineer is around

Paddlin Lowlands starts to fix the SM. Replacing pumps, setting the air alarm…

However, the Chief Engineer, Dillbert, is shockingly unaware of what these alien “volume pumps” and “straight pipes” even are

To Dillbert, it’s the default N2 set up or sabotage

Dillbert sees the Lowlands replacing pumps with straight pipes, and makes a cry for help

":c SEC TO ENGI TRAITOR PADDLIN LOWLANDS SABOTAGING SM"

Security arrives

Paddlin tries to explain, but who is sec going to trust at the end of the day; the CE or some random ass engineer?

Paddlin is taken to the brig

Dillbert sets it back to the default setup

There’s no new N2 being added, and Dillbert’s pressure pumps cannot handle the sheer pressure that comes with hot gas

The unthinkable happens

The supermatter delaminates

Dillbert goes to the escape shuttle, and upon viewing the round end report, rapidly begins salting in OOC about “that non antag engicuck fucking up the engine”

The engineer, having been put in a straightjacket and flogged severely by the local security, salts back, explaining to Dillbert why straight pipes are better than valves and pumps normally would be

Dillbert ignores this man

After all, he’s been a CE for a bit now, and he feels like he’s grown some familiarity

Dillbert thinks he would have seen these “straight pipes” and “air injectors” by now if it existed as a common practice.

Dillbert does not improve.

The end

6 Likes

now, i should give another story

another one

once upon a time, there was a player

he had been playing for a couple months now

he’d been jumping around the departments to grow a varied skill set, and currently, the department he was on was engineering

And so, on this day, Paddlin Lowlands is sitting in engineering.

He decides that it’s been a slow round, so it’s high time for some engine experimentation

He sets up solars at the start of the round, and then goes to work on the engine

there are no pumps

there are no valves

there’s a triple layered extended space cooling loop

there’s an isolated loop with freezers attached with plasma inside

there’s a cooling loop where the space injector would be

there’s three extra air scrubbers in the containment chamber than there normally would be

everything is going to be grand

This is when Paddlin’s distant cousin arrives. He is a chief engineer. He does not quite understand the glory, the magnificence, the HONOR of the supermatter engine

Paddlin’s distant cousin does not quite fully understand or believe the space station 13 gas theory, for he believes that pumps are required for the proper flow of gas

He adds pumps in places they don’t matter, adds pumps that entirely block the flow, connects the pure plasma loop to the main cooling loop

He chastises this Paddlin Lowlands over the engineering radio

“what a fucking simp” , he ponders to himself

eventually, after all this governmental interference, the supermatter begins to delaminate

not immediately, but it’s on its way

it’s delaminating, because the only gas being fed is a minor ejaculation from the plasma cooling loop, with no nitrogen, as that has been blocked by Dillbert’s pressure pumps

Paddlin tries and fails to fix it. Dillbert prevents the experienced engineer fixing it, claiming “he’s an idiot”, from what he’s witnessed so far

Dillbert and Paddlin’s distant cousins stun and cuff Paddlin Lowlands. Paddlin is imprisoned as the SME delaminates.

Dillbert blames Paddlin for everything that happened, and doesn’t want to improve.

The end

4 Likes

Increase playtime needed for headroles

2 Likes

EXACTLY what this guy said
i’m so fucking sick of people playing headroles when they don’t know shit about their department
or people literally just wasting headrole slots

3 Likes

Weird thing i was writing a topic about this and i said " nevermind they will play head roles and they realize how hard it is so they go back to learn" and deleted that. Then this story came out.
Gonna make that topic now

1 Like

hahahahahahaha 1st story made me laugh 2nd story i was like Nah too many words but super funny!!

damn when did this thread get political all of a sudden

not funny did not laugh you retard :sunglasses:

2 Likes