is green tea based??? a 600 word deconstructive essay by boolsrealm
green tea, is it based? first we must understand the word “based”. philosophers new and old usually begin pondering what “based” means with a simple question, “based on what?”. there are three schools of thought regarding this topic:
- lib-think
- it’s based on “owning the libs” - FL-thought
- it’s based on facts and logic - W
- wigger
we will not be covering the third school of thought, because it primarily consists of the word “wigger” and it’s not-so distant cousin (it starts with an N) and it’s impossible to discuss without the forum having some sort of wigger-translator, and i doubt that will happen. ask sam hyde about it though, he invented the word
section 1: the (((rich))) history of boiled leaf water
first, does green tea really own the libs? to answer this we need a quick history of green tea. green tea dates all the way back to 2737 B.C (roughly) and was discovered in china by the ancestor of the tencent ceo who (((accidently))) boiled a dead tea leaf in his water and decided to drink the brown, shit colored liquid instead of throwing it out like anyone else. personally, i think that like any other discovery that happened before i was alive, it was probably E.T that started telling people to boil dead leaves in their water and drink it for recreational purposes. after bruce lee originally discovered it, it was the hot new thing in china. it sparked a bunch of people making books and scripts about it and shit, because the only other alternative to green tea was getting dysentary and dying from the specially brewed cancer that existed in the chinese city wells. or where ever they got their water i’ve never been to china because i’d disappear after the civil protection operator listening in on the embedded microphones in my room hears me utter the words “winnie the pooh”
fast forward to whatever year the boston tea party happened, i don’t really feel like looking it up, some colonists got fourty five fucking tons of this shit and threw it in the ocean because it got taxed by (((them))). "why didn’t they just steal the fourty five tons of it!!! it’s not like they can t-tax stolen stuff, r-right guys??? RIGHT?" great question. the reason they dumped it all in the ocean is because green tea fucking sucks lmao.
section 2: does green tea own the libs???
so, after learning all of that rich history, does green tea own the libs? to be honest, green tea owns everyone. "b-but!!! only Libs drink green tea! At starbucks!!! so its a drink for libs and it doesn’t own them!!!" i can understand where you’re coming from, but hear me out here. you are deadass paying money to drink hot and dirty boiled leaf water. if you have ever consumed green tea, you are a lib and you got owned. what im saying is, it’s based for the same reason that being tricked into paying someone to kick you in the balls is based:
- you lost money
- it was a bad experince
- you were bamboozled into doing it
aka, you got smartphowned . com by a literal dead leaf. for fucking thousands of years, this plant has been smartphowning people dumb enough to pay for it and drink it. so yes, it’s based, soley because of that.
section 3: facts and logic???
however, one more pressing question: is it based on FACTS and LOGIC?
idk its literally just a fucking plant. how the fuck am i supposed to answer that bruh bruh. i guess it factually and logically exists so uhhhh sure it’s based
closing statements
tl:dr green tea is based because it sucks and people buy it